Tag Archives: Teddy Bear

Ch. 9 – Series Teddy Bear

The bubble bursts- again

“Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I be so stupid again!”, I say to myself when Teddy Bear confesses his betrayal, his whole deception. I can’t believe it at first.  I’m in shock, but the conversation he repeats that I had with Bill is exactly how what I said. NO ONE heard that conversation.  I was so ashamed I’d dated a married man.  I was stupid then too. He had lied to me too.  God, I just can’t believe how naive I am. I always believed to trust someone until they give me a reason not to, but now a third time this year? I’ve got to change this, I’ve got to stop this. I wanted to badly to believe Teddy Bear’s intentions were true, his heart was true, I was really falling for him.  I gave myself to him, for God’s sake.  Oh, what have I done?!

He keeps talking, telling me things, I can barely pay attention, I’m so heartbroken, angry, mostly at myself for being stupid, and trying to figure out what to do next.  He keeps telling me to move the furniture around.  He tells me if I see a car following me not to come straight home, what? He keeps telling me to turn on the radio when I’m on the phone. He keeps telling me he loves me.

I see the pain in his eyes, when he looks at me, he wants to hold me but I’m just feeling numb right now, cold all over like the arctic wind has chilled me to the bone.  Such a contrast from earlier this morning, when I didn’t want to be out of his arms.  He was watching me sleep, I could tell, but I just stayed snuggled next to his warm, loving body.

He tells me the reason that my ex, the dickhead, has done all this is to take away the kids. To make me suffer, so that I will never see them again. He wants me to be seen in the worse possible light, to be seen as the worse mother in the world.

GAWD… Now this! How can I possibly continue to see him, if the dickhead knew that I was romantically involved with this shady character he would certainly take my children away from me. I have to tell Teddy Bear, it’s over.  It’s barely begun, but I now know, the battle has become evident to me now. It’s clear what I need to do. I have to fight with my last breath. I have to be strong, I have to be courageous more than I thought I would have to be. This isn’t going to be easy. I just got a job, it doesn’t pay much. But the ex doesn’t know my stubbornness.  He never saw me assertive before, I will be his worst nightmare.

I’m calming down, anger is smoldering beneath the surface, but not aimed at Teddy Bear. Mostly at myself and the ex. I have to be grateful that Teddy Bear confessed.  I know the stakes, I know the enemy, I know what I must do.

“Teddy Bear,” I say after a long silence, ” I can’t see you anymore, you know that,, right? You know he’ll use our relationship against me in court.  You know for sure that because of who and what you are  if we continue, I will lose my children. I can’t let that happen.  I care deeply about you.  I’m not mad at you. It hurts me that you betrayed me, but you have now let me know everything I need to know to prepare for the battle of a lifetime and this one I can’t lose.”  So right then and there, my life, my heart and my attitude changed.  I saw the hurt in his eyes when I said this.

“I understand, sweetheart,” Teddy Bear replies. As he turns to leave, I take him by the arm and look up at him with tears in my eyes. “I trusted you and for some reason I still do.  I don’t want you out of my life forever.” He pulls me into a warm embrace, “You’ll never be without me around, I’ll always be here for you, and you’ll always be protected.I really do love you, whether you believe it or not.” and we stand there holding each other tightly in silence with only two broken hearts beating next to each other.

 

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Ch. 8 – Series Teddy Bear

Confessions

“Oh my God, I love this woman,” I think as I lay next to her in the twilight of the morning. Our evening together was amazing. I am here with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life and she’s here with me. Naked in bed with me. She is sleeping peacefully and I love watching her sleep.  I love seeing her long dark hair spread across the pillow and over her shoulders, some covering part of her face, I gently sweep away. She softly sighs in her sleep. She seems content and happy. She is holding on tight to me, her arm resting across my chest.

Her pale skin, ivory-white against my Sicilian olive skin like a delicate blossom against the darkness and my conscience speaks to me.  I continue to watch my angel sleep, I memorize every curve of her body against the sheets which emphasizes her hour-glass figure. Even though she had lost weight in the previous months from being so ill, my girl had curves — wonderful curves. I love to put my hands on her waist and feel that little indent between her hips and chest.  And her breasts, oh don’t get me started. Those lovely orbs, so sweet. “Oh God, I’ve fucked up so badly, she’ll be so hurt and angry.  She’ll never want to see me again.”

I feel her stir and her hands start to roam over my chest. She tilts her head up to me and smiles that sweet smile that melts my heart. “Good morning,” she says low with the raspiness of new awakening.  She asks me if I’d like a cup of coffee as she rises before me unashamed of her body as she reaches for her robe, she looks over her shoulder to see my answer. I agree and she tells me not to get out of bed, she goes to the kitchen leaving me there, feeling a combination of in love, satisfied, happy and guilty as hell.

Soon, she returns with not just a cup of coffee for the both of us, but a tray of bacon, eggs and toast.  She’s served me breakfast in bed.  She seems so happy. I know this is cutting into her grocery budget and I tell her she shouldn’t have done this, but she just tells me not to worry.  Another nail, was just hammered in to my guilty heart.  She’s so giving, trusting and loving and I have deceived her all this time.

After we eat while propped up against the wall in bed, I set aside the tray and prepare myself. I need to warn her as well. I will tell her everything.

“Tender Touch, I need to tell you something,” I start and she looks at me with those trusting eyes. How do I start?  “OK, let me tell you some things that you need to do to protect yourself from her husband.” She frowns, this is not what she was expecting to hear this morning.  She was trying to forget him for a while. “First, let’s move your bedroom around, let’s move the bed away from the windows”.  She looks at me puzzled.”What’s this got to do with my husband?”, she asks. “He’s has you under surveillance. He has someone recording all your conversations and has a wire tap on your phone.” She sits up straighter and moves to sit across from me in bed, cross-legged, not next to me anymore.”What do you mean and how would you know?”, she asks. Her face has turned pale, her bottom lip begins to tremble and there is fear in her eyes. I take both of her hands gently and hold them. “Because the person that he hired was me.” looking her straight in the eyes.

Silence. For long moments she doesn’t say a word. She just looks at me incredulously. “No, you’re just kidding me, right?”, she asks timidly.  She doesn’t believe me? I start from the beginning, the first contact with her husband, how I sold him some pills, I thought were for him, how I knew when to contact her that first day we had coffee.  And my organizational affiliations.  She still doubts me, it’s beyond her comprehension. This isn’t her world. I show her the scars from my life, the knife wounds, the gun shot wounds, the reasons I don’t have any identifying marks on my body. She just listens, she doesn’t get mad, she listens and stares at me, then says “Prove it, I still don’t believe you. I don’t believe you would ever do this to me, you’re too good. You have always been there when I need you.” I then tell her the conversations I had overheard with the married man that she had dated that short time, I repeat those conversations that were from her apartment phone.  I tell her the conversations almost verbatim.  I was especially interested in these conversations because I was jealous, I wanted her.

Still no screaming, only tears begin to gather in her eyes. I see the truth has finally dealt the painful blow I did not want to give her.  She rose and left the room, she went to the kitchen, leaning over the kitchen counter and next to that phone, she’s crying. I walk in behind her and try to hold her. She moves away from me.

“Please, understand, sweetheart, I may have been hired by him to do this, but it backfired on him.”  She looks at me, eyes wet with tears, biting her lip and her arms wrapped tightly around herself in protection.  “It backfired on him because I fell in love with you, I love you, I love you more and more every day. I had to come clean with you because I love you, I want you safe, I want you to be mine. Please understand”

She hurriedly walks around me and sits at the dining table head in hands. She’s so quiet.”I trusted you.  I was really naive, wasn’t I?  I’m really stupid, aren’t I? To think I thought you actually cared for me because of me, not because someone PAID you to be with me, paid you to watch me? Why?”, she says crying, voice trembling and her heart breaking with each word spoken.

Ch. 7 – Series Teddy Bear

He’s here! I can hardly wait for this, I am really liking this man.  We’ve been seeing each other for several months now, just platonically, but just seeing him makes my heart skip a beat. He’s so handsome, he really is a Teddy Bear, I feel so safe with him.  It seems like I can just talk about everything with him and he understands.

He’s taking me down the canal, this canal used to bring trade from the Atlantic ocean to the Chesapeake bay, now it’s used mostly by the yachts going into the bay.  And there are some lovely yachts today, it makes a beautiful sight to see those white  large boats with sails in the winds gliding silently through the canal.

We park a little bit from where he has chosen to have the picnic and it’s muddy.  The man literally sweeps me off my feet, can you believe it! I think I weigh too much and it’s a little embarrassing, but to him, he thinks I’m small.  I’m sure I blushed.  No one has ever picked me up before. We go to the grassy spot and spread out the blanket, after the pleasant picnic the talking becomes hugging, the hugging becomes kissing, I am falling for this man.  He holds me so securely, so warmly, I snuggle into his arms, just enjoying this feeling. It’s been so long that someone has made me feel loved and worthy of this love. I know tears are in my eyes, but thank goodness, he doesn’t see them; my head is lying on his chest listening to the steady rhythm of his strong heart.

It’s beginning to get late and the sun is starting to settle low on the horizon. The clouds are turning pinks and purples and it’s beautiful. I don’t want this moment to end. It’s been so hard lately. I don’t want to go back to reality. He knew exactly what I needed today. But it’s getting chilly and we need to get home.

I don’t want him to leave, my heart needs his tonight. I invite him into the apartment. I’m scared. We sit on the sofa talking. We kiss and embrace. My body is trembling. I’ve never been with another man other than my husband and I was a virgin when we got married. This is frightening, yet I don’t want him to leave tonight. He doesn’t want to leave either. He looks longingly into my eyes, he sees the indecision and asks me if he should stay or leave. I take his hand and lead him to my room.

We sit down on my bed, which is really only the mattress from the van, now being used on the floor of my apartment bedroom. Not much, but he sits down and holding my hand leads me down to sit next to him.  I tell him my fears, my worries, my indecisions about what this is leading to. He listens, he is quiet. He gently kisses my forehead and hugs me tightly. We sit there for the longest time in silence. Darkness falls on my bedroom. The apartment is dark. We hear the neighbors over me.  They are actively making love. They are not very quiet about it.  Teddy Bear looks at me and smiles, I laugh.  “Yes, I hear that every night, they must newly wed.  It not exactly what I need to hear every night right now at this time in my life.”  And we both laugh it breaks up the uneasiness between us and we fall back on the bed and this time we give the neighbors something to hear this night.

 

Ch. 1-Series-Teddy Bear

“Breaker, Breaker One-nine, anybody out there. I’ve broken down and need assistance. Breaker, breaker one-nine.”  I knew she was out there listening at two in the morning, her husband had told me so. She was always up in the middle of the night with the baby and she kept the base station on to keep her company while she tended the child.  The radio crackles, and I hear a sweet voice on the other end, “Breaker, Breaker one-nine, who is needing assistance? What can I do to help, this is Tender Touch” And that’s the conversation that started my deception of Tender Touch and she really was a tender touch, a tender heart, and soul. I’ll never forget the woman that stole my heart. I will always love her and will never have her.

After she “helped” me that first night, I kept in contact with her over the CB radio every chance I got, every day she was on helping other drivers with their problems.  I listened to her, her voice was like an angel’s voice.  Her laughter at the driver’s jokes, even if they weren’t funny jokes was a joy to hear.  Once there was an imposter in the red light district that thought the handle Tender Touch would be a better way to get customers and for awhile there, I heard some awful things said to my angel, but she straightened them out and other drivers would interrupt her to tell her not to worry, they would take care of the imposter. Our Tender Touch was well loved by all the truck drivers in the region and we all had the utmost respect for her. So why was I deceiving her?

I was told she was cheating, she was lying to her husband and she was basically a bitch. After talking to her for weeks now, I wondered, but it was time for me to make my move. Her husband had plans and was paying me to follow through on these plans, he wanted her out of his life and was going to do everything and anything to achieve this goal.  And I do mean anything.  He was convinced of her guilt.

“Hey Tender Touch, how about meeting me for a cup of coffee sometime?” I asked.   “Oh, darlin’, that’s awfully sweet, but I’m a happily married woman with two babies at home, I can’t do that.  Maybe if that wasn’t the case, but it is, thanks for asking, though”, she said. I tried to get that coffee date a couple of more times, but no luck, that lady was not cheating on her husband.  I know she had a lot of friends on the CB she talked a lot, she seemed lonely, there was a sadness beginning to develop in her voice.  She didn’t seem herself lately.

I was given instructions to start following her and to set up recording devices on the phones and the house.  She and her husband had become friends with some neighbors and had started socializing. The neighbor’s husband started dropping by when Tender Touch’s husband was at work,  the conversations were disturbing, from the outside of the house, it looked like an affair was going on, but inside, she was protesting the whole time. She constantly told him to go home. She constantly told him that if she was going to be anyone’s mistress she was going to be her husband’s. She fought to get him out the door.  Only her babies cries really kept him at bay, they evidently pulled at his conscience.  I now wonder if her husband had put him up to the seduction. Because later that week, she and her husband went over to these neighbor’s house for dinner and drinks. She came home very upset and flustered. I heard her ask her husband to help her, she couldn’t understand why she was so groggy and dizzy, she only had one drink.

The next day, she received a phone call from the neighbor’s wife accusing her of having an affair with her husband. She was shocked and started crying.  “It never happened, she said, I know he has tried, he tried last night, but I refuse every time.  He is your problem, not mine.”  She was so upset, Tender Touch called her husband immediately and told him the whole conversation.  He said nothing except that he was too busy to talk to her.

Not understanding why she was feeling so bad and dizzy, she decided to take herself to the doctors.  I saw her drop the babies off across the street as she stumbled in the van, she looked pale and weak.  I followed her to the medical office.  She was there for some time and around noon, she came back out to the van and went to the back to lay down.  She didn’t drive home.