Category Archives: Musings

Disillusionment and Re-evaluation of Efforts

Athens 2017I haven’t posted on this blog for awhile, stress about all the events #45 is doing really got to me.  Every day there is something, not just one thing, but multiple distractions, idiotic, stupid stunts.  Every day you read about the injustices and rights of others being denied them.  Every day, you hear about all the proposals the Senate and Congress want to make to make our lives “better”  (more miserable)  and line their pockets.  You hear about collusion, you hear about the nepotism, the payoffs, the lack of transparency in this administration and you wonder is NOTHING going to stop this madness!  Is there no way or anyone going to do anything to stop this.

I had to take a break, so I got out of the country, only to find out what other countries think about #45, what other countries are going through and making me wonder what is happening to our world, not just our country.

I think the reason I have been mostly disillusioned and stressed lately is seeing what has happened to our ethics, morals, and integrity.  Not just in this nation, which is closer to home, but in this world.   These three words are not just words, they are values that are not abstract, they have been valued for centuries even millennia.  Although history has seen these values cycle in the populace, these observations that I am making,  at almost 70 makes me realize that I now am living in an era that these values seem to be missing.  It’s disturbing to see the trend that is taking place in the world, here in the US, Turkey, Paris and Britain.  Why are these values, these truths of an honorable life being ignored and devalued? When did an ethical life, a person with high morals and integrity become such a rarity and why do those with these values lose so much in society.  Those individuals that work hard, live a clean life, treat others fairly and honestly become the victims of a society that seems to rapidly being taken control by the bigots, narcissists, and cruelty of those who feel necessary to deny equality and a good life for those that live this honest, ethical life?

Since when did TRUTH become a dirty word and lies become acceptable? Why are we as a society turning a blind eye to justice?  When did we become so jaded as to accept the violence, the dirty dealings of power, the lies of those in power as acceptable behavior and allow it to continue without even standing up for the truth?

There has always been corruption in society through the ages, however, we have always strived to overcome that corruption and injustice.  There has always been inequality in society, but we have worked hard to build better relationships and equality for all. These problems were not acceptable!  We fought to achieve more, to achieve better!  It will always be a continuing battle, we cannot rest, we cannot be apathetic.  We cannot accept anything other the highest of values of equality for gender, race, religion, or beliefs, otherwise, we become complicit.  Fighting can be tiring and discouraging, we need to pick our fights and not focus on trivial commentary or appearance but the results and/or possible outcomes of actions that will affect our future, our children’s future, our democracy, and our world.  We cannot allow this normalization of hate, bigotry, and lack of global concern persist. We must maintain fortitude and strength to continue the fight.  Fighting for our beliefs, for global conscience and ethics takes courage.  It’s time now to take stock of our own values and see where we stand, how we want our world to go forward. Do you have the strength and courage to evaluate your own ethics, morals, and integrity and take it to the world?

We need to not only protect each other in this turbulent and dangerous time, we need to protect ourselves.  We need to protect our energies and spirit. We need to re-evaluate where we can do the most good while still keeping true to ourselves and keeping the negative energies from draining us.  This is vital to maintain the resistance, to maintain the fight for what is right for the good of the earth, our democracy, and our own souls.

The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf


A mischievous Lad, who was set to mind some Sheep, used, in jest, to cry “The Wolf! the Wolf!” When the people at work in the neighboring fields came running to the spot, he would laugh at them for their pains. One day the Wolf came in reality, and the Boy, this time, called “The Wolf! the Wolf!” in earnest; but the men, having been so often deceived, disregarded his cries, and the Sheep were left at the mercy of the Wolf.

A liar will not be believed, even when telling the truth.

This has been a trying several weeks, but those of us who followed the campaign know who the Shepherd Boy is in this story.  In fact, during his campaign, his lies were so numerous that PolitiFact has chosen the “many campaign misstatements” of Donald Trump as the Lie of the Year because they could not settle on which of his lies was the biggest. “To the candidate who says he’s all about winning, PolitiFact designates the many campaign misstatements of Donald Trump as our 2015 Lie of the Year.”

For anyone to think that a pathological liar would stop lying they are sadly mistaken, not only does he continue with outright blatant and obvious lies, (who does he seriously think he is fooling?) he has a whole crew of “yes” men and women who cover his ass when he lies. They have no integrity or ethics or pride in themselves.  His lies insult our intelligence, his lies insult our allies, his lies embarrass our country, his lies endanger our lives.

Our press must be vigilant about fact checking him, as Americans we must be vigilant about learning the truth when he suppresses the press and releases his own propaganda.  He is not only acting like a petulant or mischievous Lad and laughing all the way, demanding attention and insisting that others obey his dictatorial demands. He is being foolish and naive to think we are stupid.  We are not!

But sir, you are causing a problem for yourself, if indeed a crisis really occurs.  You have told at least one lie a day since you have started your campaign and since you have taken office. No one will ever take you seriously again, no one with intelligence will ever believe a word you say. No one with any sense will ever consider you a sane and intelligent being.

No one will believe you.  You have gravely endangered your flock, the American people. Those that die because of your lies and arrogance will be forever on your conscience.

Unless you are in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s and eventually lose all your mental faculties, then I suppose your conscience won’t matter.  (For I do believe you are suffering from a mental illness that needs desperate attention)

Moral of this story: As Americans, we must continue to be vigilant in seeking the truth.  We must be vigilant in speaking the truth and facts.  We must not let the wool be pulled over our eyes by this LIAR!

Inauguration Day Nat’l Day of Protest Denver CO

Today’s March for Democracy and Freedom

Netdancer's Musings

Inauguration Day Nat’l Day of Protest Denver CO

Preparation paid off, my nerves calmed down, the march was peaceful.  The marchers respectful.  Democracy is not to be watched but to be participated in, it is our duty, even if we have to overcome our own fears and we speak with a tremble in our voices, we must speak out loud! 1.8 K Marchers + today.

© 2017 Candace L Stauber Photography

Tomorrow is another day.

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Nurturing Thurs – Preparation

In Preparation for My First Protest March

© Photography by Candace L Stauber Jan 20, 2017

Netdancer's Musings


Nurturing Thurs – Preparation

Tonight, I admit I sit here apprehensive about the future. This is not a good state of mind for a person with a predisposition to depression, a person with fibromyalgia that is easily affected by stress, it can put me into a flare of monumental proportions.  Since I started this blog I promised my readers that have followed my journey into the darkness that I would keep them apprised of my journey.

This is the day before a bigot, a man who has exhibited behavior to women that I have personally experienced, a man that doesn’t seem to even be literate enough to write a complete sentence, let alone intelligent enough to run a country becomes our nation’s leader.  This is a worrisome time not just for me, but for our country.  I believe he is an embarrassment to our country because he is not what our country…

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Invisible and Irrelevant

As I look at this past year and plan for the next I realize that this year made a significant awareness of why I have stayed single so long.  It’s now been over 37 years that I have been in this state of being a single woman. I have struggled for so long to try to figure out what has influenced me in remaining in this state and why I have not endeavored to really change it. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the company of men or enjoy the laughter, flirtation or the sexual chemistry that occurs, but I have also learned and accepted myself as an independent and assertive woman who cannot tolerate misogyny or condescending behavior towards me.  This year’s election and results only strengthened and confirmed my beliefs, however, it left me wondering about the mindset of other women who voted for an obvious misogynistic, disrespectful, bigoted man.

Granted, I have not always been so strong or vocal about my beliefs.  I was a child of the 50’s.  I was a child that was to be seen and not heard.  I was the daughter of a man who was disappointed that I was not a boy.  I grew up with a chauvinistic father who made sexist and degrading remarks about women when he wasn’t around my mother. I grew up with a man who made remarks about my body as it developed into womanhood.  I was expected to stay silent about these remarks even though I found them embarrassing and degrading.

I too have been in situations where I have had unwanted and unsolicited advances and remarks where I have remained silent.  Remained silent to keep the peace or try to keep safe. I have been overlooked in my profession,  not because of expertise for advancement, but because I was a woman. I have had my ideas disregarded because I was a woman only to have the ideas stolen by a man and taken with praise and high regard.

Misogyny according to the dictionary means a hatred of women. Although a man may say they do not “hate” women, when they are disrespectful, ignore our intelligence, degrade our bodies with lewd gestures and remarks. they are not aware of the full impact of these deeds.  It seems to me that men have a problem with the terms misogyny and sexism because there are two views on sexism.  The hostile and benevolent sides of sexism.

I read a statement by one man who asked just because he said lewd and disrespectful things to a woman did that mean that you can’t be sexually attracted to a woman.  Sexual attraction and disrespect are two totally different things! Yes, we can flirt with you  – as lovers, when this is between consenting adults, our language will tell you when this is acceptable.  When we say no, it means NO.

Hostile sexism is a man being threatened by a woman’s independence or attitude to instill in him to act in a disrespectful or lewd manner.  A man will also mistake innocent remarks or friendly conversation as sexually teasing or flirtation when they are not and then be offended when he is rejected. This results then, in almost a “self-preservation” of ego on the man’s part to body-shaming the woman, to turn hostile to the woman, to be angry.   Here is where women have learned to live a fine line.   When and where do we smile, answer, flirt, who do we trust with our emotions, and if we are married, how do we appease our husbands to avoid arguments?

Then, there is the benevolent sexism we women have lived with all these years.  This sexism has been just as harmful to our psyche and confidence.  As wives, mothers, and daughters there is the thought that we need to be protected.  Although we do appreciate being cherished and loved, we do not appreciate being PATRONIZED!  We are not stupid, we have our own minds, we have our own thoughts about things.  We do not have to agree with men on everything and should not be punished or ignored if we do not agree with you.

It seems this fine dance of hostility and benevolence that women have lived with has undermined many women’s ability to become independent and to become confident in their own opinions.  Sometimes it has been just too easy for us to allow men to have their “locker room” talk,  grab us when we don’t want it; it’s been too easy for us to stay in marriages that we don’t want because we don’t want to lose materials things; it’s too easy for us not speak our minds to avoid arguments or violence.

I have seen too many women remain in this state of denial or dependence and it’s my opinion that they have not been given the opportunity to speak their minds and have remained repressed so don’t know any better.  I also have seen too many women not want to be independent.  They want others to always provide for them.  This I just can’t fathom,  I believe one must always be self-sufficient and be able to be a benefit to society, not a taker.  With these diverse conditions that women have endured,  I think I now understand why these women voted for a man who admitted that he has no respect for women.  They have been brow beaten too long, they have been oppressed too long, they have not learned to think on their own, they have been patronized and their opinions have been ignored. They have been “taught” by the men in their lives to go along with those opinions because it is easier than rocking the boat.  They are insecure and lack self-confidence. They gain approval by doing as their man wants them to do and this is enough.

What we lose staying in this state of dependence and denial of misogyny is ourselves.  We lose our independence.  We lose our equality, we lose equality for our daughters, our sisters and we lose respect.  We lose equal pay for equal work. We lose our voice. We become invisible and irrelevant.

So now the question is, what as a woman are you willing to do to change your state of mind? Are you willing to put up with the lewd remarks, the gestures, the patronizing, the pass-over of promotion at work because you are too quiet?  Are you going to speak up?  Are you going to go for it?  Are you going to learn to do something that you have never done before?

As a man are you going to think twice about what you are saying to a woman, to any woman, to the woman you love?  Respect her for her thoughts, you may not agree, but you do have to respect her opinion.  We are here, we are not invisible, we have a heart and soul. We are intelligent.





This week, the week ending one year and in preparation for a new year, I find myself cleaning and purging my home of unnecessary items that I’ve hung onto over the years. Items that I haven’t touched or even paid attention to in many years.  Some things I’m throwing away, some things I’m donating to worthy causes, some things I’m re-discovering again.

I’ve always been a big book collector and reader. This week I’m donating many books to charity, but among all the books I have I found, there is one I haven’t seen in a long time and its presence now seems only like providence considering I’ve started a Freedom Quote of the Day.  The book belonged to my late father, it is “The New Dictionary of Thoughts”.  Republished in 1961 by Standard Book Co., originally Tyron Edwards published his first book of quotations in 1852 under the title, Jewels for the Household, a substantial work of 448 pages.

I remember my Dad, an educator and vice-principal,  referring to this book all the time when he had to write a speech or write a letter of inspiration to someone.  I was there when he was busy trying to decide the right quote during times of sorrow when he was trying to figure out just the right thing to say.

Today when I found this book, the first page that opened up to me was about America. It must have been a favorite subject for my father or I was guided to the phrase that immediately drew my attention because someone knew my state of mind recently.

“AMERICA -America is another name for opportunity. Our whole history appears like a last effort of divine Providence in behalf of the human race. ” -Emerson

Mindful Rebellion

This weekend gave a glimmer of hope to those of us who recognize the problems that face our Nation.  We are not whiners or denying our Government their due.  We are those who stand up for equality, the rights of our brothers and sisters, we recognize the civil liberties that we face to lose under this upcoming administration. We understand how many other rights our citizens will forfeit – jobs, medical care, and social security, just to name a few. We see and cannot fathom how others can normalize white supremacy or the denial of a woman’s right to her body or her respect and intelligence. We cannot understand how others can tolerate lies and falsehoods or collusion with foreign powers to undermine our Democracy.

However, slim the hope, if we had stayed silent we too would have “normalized and tolerated” such despicable behavior and attitudes toward our fellow human beings. We at least took some action, we spoke our convictions and we shall continue to speak our convictions in future times.

We will NOT submit to bigotry, submit to misogyny, submit to prejudice, or submit to intolerance.It is not in our hearts or souls.  We will not “submit”, we will stand proudly with conviction and in love with our brothers and sisters for truth and dignity.


A Mindful Rebellion


20161218_171645My body betrayed me this weekend.  I guess I should not be surprised.  I’ve been fighting this illness for many years and this year I have tried even harder to suppress the pain that fibromyalgia presents to me.  I just never know when it’s going to spring up and bite me in the butt. I know cold and winter is my enemy.  Yesterday, it literally bit me in the butt when I fell on the driveway while clearing 6 inches of snow.  Ouch!

I had my heart set on going to the Hamilton Electors Vigil tonight and stressed over ways to go and chance more problems or not.  Ultimately, I decided my body just wouldn’t handle the cold at night, let alone having to deal with transportation and waiting in the cold for Lyft or Uber, since I can’t drive at night.  Yes, fibro has affected my vision at night somewhat as well.

I cannot stand to be one who talks and not act, so dear friends who are standing out in the cold, I empathize with you and am there in spirit.  I support you and wish with all my heart I was standing with you for this cause I believe in.


A Dilemna of Spirit

fibromyalgiacoldI have been looking forward to the march and vigil on the Colorado capital today so much. I don’t want to be one of those that talk but don’t act. I truly believe that we must take action and I must be amongst those that are there.  Then it snowed and got down to below zero here at home. My body with fibromyalgia is complaining so much about the cold. I try to keep up with things and I’ve never asked anyone for help. So what did I do yesterday? I shoveled my driveway that was covered in 6 inches of snow.  On the last strip of the drive, I fell (fibro also affects your equilibrium) hard on the icy cement and now I am moving very slowly.

So I sit here contemplating how I can act and not sit (uneasily) without feeling inadequate about not doing what I believe in my heart I should be doing. I don’t like to admit the limitations of my disease or my age, but days like today are aggravating and disappointing.


I need to thank a new follower (thinkinkadia) for getting my juices flowing today about what I call myself or how I see myself.  I have called myself an introvert because I have personality traits that most psychologists would deem introversion.  I am solitary, quiet, prefer solo travel, solo type work, not keen on crowds, etc.  However, I realize I’ve really never fit any particular label as defined by the dictionary.  I like people, I like intelligent people.  I like crowds with purpose. I can easily introduce myself to a stranger and carry on a conversation.  Now the term “activist” has entered my vocabulary.  It’s a new and strange word for my tongue to say. I never thought that I’d be an activist, a feminist, or even “political”.   I’ve always been reluctant to put labels on others as well and now I can definitely characterize some public figures with unflattering labels. But I won’t, just as I will no longer put a label on me!  I am a unique human.  I am not the same woman I was when I was in my 20’s, 30’s 50’s or even before the election.  Growth has been ongoing for me, I strive for growth mentally and emotionally constantly.  I believe it behooves us as adults to continually question our world and see the truth.  To continually question and grow.  To travel outside our hometown and personal bubbles to experience new cultures to grow and learn tolerance.

Tonight I changed my Platinum Dragon site a bit.  I hope to be able to express the conflict that I’m feeling in my heart and soul these days, to hopefully inspire others to speak out against injustice and tyranny. I changed my about page to reflect these thoughts, below are the paragraphs explaining why and how I’ve turned a new chapter in my life.

Since the election I lost my words, I have struggled with my conscience and the direction I wanted to take my writing but my thoughts have become so adamant about expressing themselves that my passion has been aroused about my country, our freedoms, and our world.   I have never even discussed politics with anyone, family or friends, let alone strangers.  I don’t discuss religion either.  I believed the United States was founded on a solid foundation and although we disagreed on many things, we did agree on the what our founding fathers wanted for this country. I believed that we could overcome our differences, at least politically.  I believed that we had processes in place that would not allow dictators or demagoguery to rise in power.

I know we have struggled through the years and century with equality for all, I felt we were making progress.  How sadly disappointed and disillusioned I was. I have always given others the benefit of the doubt, I have always trusted too much, and now as in personal relationships, I have had my heartbroken in the American people who have been blindly misled by a scam artist and his flock. I had more faith in them than they deserved.

I have been growing into the Dragon for several years, never did I realize that the Dragon meant my voice was meant to roar even louder.  I thought that I had to overcome my own personal demons.  Now, I realize there are more important demons and evil that I have to overcome, more important reasons I have to speak out. More important reasons, that I cannot withdraw back into the timid person I used to be.  Too much is at stake for us as a nation, and we as individuals, one voice at a time, one writer at a time. Speaking and writing our convictions can and will be heard.

Our founding fathers spoke out, Benjamin Franklin wrote his convictions, we must too. Remember history repeats itself. Don’t let it repeat the worst events of the world. Speak out with me. Be heard!