He’s here! I can hardly wait for this, I am really liking this man.  We’ve been seeing each other for several months now, just platonically, but just seeing him makes my heart skip a beat. He’s so handsome, he really is a Teddy Bear, I feel so safe with him.  It seems like I can just talk about everything with him and he understands.

He’s taking me down the canal, this canal used to bring trade from the Atlantic ocean to the Chesapeake bay, now it’s used mostly by the yachts going into the bay.  And there are some lovely yachts today, it makes a beautiful sight to see those white  large boats with sails in the winds gliding silently through the canal.

We park a little bit from where he has chosen to have the picnic and it’s muddy.  The man literally sweeps me off my feet, can you believe it! I think I weigh too much and it’s a little embarrassing, but to him, he thinks I’m small.  I’m sure I blushed.  No one has ever picked me up before. We go to the grassy spot and spread out the blanket, after the pleasant picnic the talking becomes hugging, the hugging becomes kissing, I am falling for this man.  He holds me so securely, so warmly, I snuggle into his arms, just enjoying this feeling. It’s been so long that someone has made me feel loved and worthy of this love. I know tears are in my eyes, but thank goodness, he doesn’t see them; my head is lying on his chest listening to the steady rhythm of his strong heart.

It’s beginning to get late and the sun is starting to settle low on the horizon. The clouds are turning pinks and purples and it’s beautiful. I don’t want this moment to end. It’s been so hard lately. I don’t want to go back to reality. He knew exactly what I needed today. But it’s getting chilly and we need to get home.

I don’t want him to leave, my heart needs his tonight. I invite him into the apartment. I’m scared. We sit on the sofa talking. We kiss and embrace. My body is trembling. I’ve never been with another man other than my husband and I was a virgin when we got married. This is frightening, yet I don’t want him to leave tonight. He doesn’t want to leave either. He looks longingly into my eyes, he sees the indecision and asks me if he should stay or leave. I take his hand and lead him to my room.

We sit down on my bed, which is really only the mattress from the van, now being used on the floor of my apartment bedroom. Not much, but he sits down and holding my hand leads me down to sit next to him.  I tell him my fears, my worries, my indecisions about what this is leading to. He listens, he is quiet. He gently kisses my forehead and hugs me tightly. We sit there for the longest time in silence. Darkness falls on my bedroom. The apartment is dark. We hear the neighbors over me.  They are actively making love. They are not very quiet about it.  Teddy Bear looks at me and smiles, I laugh.  “Yes, I hear that every night, they must newly wed.  It not exactly what I need to hear every night right now at this time in my life.”  And we both laugh it breaks up the uneasiness between us and we fall back on the bed and this time we give the neighbors something to hear this night.