I just can’t figure life out anymore. I finally think things are starting to settle down, I win custody of the girls, I buy a house, move to Maryland, have a good job, am dating someone. I go back to my maiden name. I still am friends with Teddy Bear and others from the CB and BAM! The world drops out from under me. I get laid off, the man I’m seeing becomes possessive and wants to marry me, but I don’t love him. I want to have passionate, in love feelings and I don’t have them for him. I know that I may be asking for too much, but I’m not settling for less. I’ve had that once, never again. There’s not a day I don’t think of Teddy Bear, I desperately want to be with him. I have to refuse his marriage proposal. It just wouldn’t work. He starts stalking me, calling me every hour on the hour in the middle of the night, he slashes my tires and then leaves flowers at my door begging me to take him back! He steals my bible out of my truck and then of all things, he throws a gallon of urine on the seats of my van. It’s totaled. The insurance adjustor never saw such an act taken on a vehicle before. And I have no money to buy another car, even with the insurance money for the totaled vehicle. The van is too old. I try desperately to clean out the truck.
The calls at night keep me awake constantly, but I don’t dare NOT answer, for fear it’s my mother. She has a terminal illness and I’m afraid the call may be from home. I have to do something. After a month of calls and I log each call, I notify the phone company. They finally trace them. I take him to court for the stalking. All the court does is slap his hands and tell him if he continues then they will press charges. On the way out of the courthouse he asks me to marry him again. Are you kidding me!?
I’m surviving this layoff on unemployment checks and the ex’s child support, it pays the mortgage. I’ve been looking for work all over town. It’s been so hard. I feel like I want so much and have so little right now. I hate to say this I’m getting home sick too, I want to go back to Kansas, but I can’t afford it. I’ve been unemployed now for five months and feel totally worthless. I haven’t seen Teddy Bear in so long and really need him. I miss him so much. Worthless and unlovable.
Finally, the ex has decided to make a reappearance. He finally came to pick up the children at the new house, now, however, with a new wife at his side. Yes, he remarried. He married the girl he was having an affair with, and when I say girl, she was just that a 17-year-old girl and she was very pregnant. Surprise! Visitation has resumed, my motto kills them with kindness. I was happy, to tell the truth, he’s her problem now and hopefully it will take some of the chaos away from me. But if glares and wicked looks could kill I wouldn’t be here writing this. At least there was no screaming this time. Once more I was left alone. This time after being a single mother 24/7, unemployed, broke and dealing with everything; I needed some time to myself. I needed a break.